So I'm probably one of the most prideful people you will ever meet. How sad is that? I'm not prideful in the way of me being better than everyone (although... generally this IS the case... LOL. Just kiddin', folks). But I am prideful in always being right. And I am always right. LOL.
After the fireside last night with Dr. Taylor Hartman (author of The Color Code), I have become aware of my pride. I always knew I was prideful, don't get me wrong. But I thought I was only in the way of thinking that only I can help my own situations. I hate accepting help; absolutely hate admitting to myself that I may need more help than I can provide myself with. But after listening to this very wise man discuss the different faucets of pride, I learned that I am also guilty of prideful unforgiving. There are people in my life I deem unworthy of my forgiveness. And therefore I hold onto my grudges and continue to hate them for the rest of their existence in my life. AND even though I am now aware of this sin, I continue to hold on to it. IS there a way of forgiving someone of their misdeeds but still being totally turned off by them? Can I do that; forgive someone but still hate being around them and their stupidity?
If anyone has an answer, I thought it would be my mother. So I asked, after discussing the situation in which I am currently struggling. And her answer, was yes. She stated that I should forgive them in their social shortcomings, but also in doing so, should avoid contact with them as much as I could. I asked her if that was what Jesus would do in this situation? And she said that sometimes, there are people you just can't be around because of clashing personalities. "It's better to avoid the feeling of contention rather than bring it about by trying to NOT bring it about." But would Jesus want me to avoid this person? I would be very curious if Jesus ever was annoyed by certain people. Like did He ever think, "UGH. Those Pharisees should really just crawl into a hole"?
I am also VERY guilty of jealousy today. PEOPLE KEEP GETTING MARRIED AND ENGAGED. I am very happy for their situations, but am very jealous of their happiness. I keep thinking, why are THEY allowed to be happy and engaged and I must sit here in sacrament alone. Why do I have to be subjected to the backscratching-hand-holding-ring-wearing couples. Believe me, Jealousy does NOT look good on me. It usually results in running mascara and used up Kleenex's. So as I sat in sacrament, sans-boyfriend, I opened my heart in the most sincere prayer I could muster in the audience of a chapel full of people. And you know what? It still hurt, but I instantly remembered a scripture. "[My daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." And while I was still tearing up every now and then, I knew Someone was there listening to me, and sympathizing with my soul.
Gotta love the peace this knowledge brings. ♥