Monday, March 28, 2011

Day 460: Someone Remind Me...

Why the heck am I doing this again? I'm so sick and tired of being lonely and ache-y. I feel myself becoming "dark and twisty" when I wanna be "bright and shiny". I can't be bright OR shiny when every single morning, I wake up feeling like I could vomit because my whole existence misses him so badly. When does this get easier? When does this get better? When can I have my life back?

Why can't I ever fall for the guy who is HERE to stay and won't make me wait for him in some way or another? All I want is to have my lesson of "Patience Is A Virtue" to be over. My life seems to have this ongoing theme of "wait for it, it will come." Screw that. I've been forced to wait for things my whole life. LITERALLY.

Why am I left defenseless against the pangs of my heart? NOTHING makes it better. And when I try something new, thinking it will help murmur my shrill screams of missing John, it only makes it worse.

No happy posts here, folks. Just the cold and harsh words my heart would scream if it had a voice. You're LUCKY it doesn't and I'm left to translate the incessant complaints. I can't use such colorful language....

9 months couldn't end soon enough.