Day 715: End of the Road!!

This blog has been so neglected as of late, and for that I apologize! Also, I need to apologize for the ridiculously depressing nature of all my updates! I started this blog as a way to vent, and boy did I vent.... LOL. I only wrote here when I was upset, and that is unfair to the blogging world. LOL.

So yea, um hi... I have 20 days left. Not 20 months, not 20 weeks... 20 days. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? Where did the time go?? When on Earth did it become December? And yea, my last post was in what, April or something?? Talk about a mind blowing jump of months. I am so happy and so excited that this seemingly never ending period in my life is almost over. But most importantly, I am so overjoyed that my best friend is coming home. The person I want to call first when something big happens in my life is going to be back. The person I want to make happy for the rest of my life is coming home. I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to have made such a connection with another person, and for watching out for me for the past 2 years.

This blog is going to take a big spin, and is no longer going to be about the Waiting Girl. I'm going to use this PROPERLY and update whoever still reads this (even if it's just me lol) on the goings-on in my life. So!!! I am going to finish this post, then I will allow myself one last Waiting Girl post before John comes home (probably like the day before or of...).

My life has been so full lately! I got promoted a few months ago, from Teacher's Assistant to Lead Infant/Toddler Teacher at work, and man has that kept me busy! My duties changed drastically; I now supervise 6 teachers and 28 enrolled children ages 3 months-18months, plan and organize curriculum, put together developmental reports for each of my children alerting parents of their child's standing in developmental stages, perform teacher evaluations, yada yada... It's so weird being the boss. I feel too young to be doing this, but also feel very honored to be given this position at such a young age! The youngest person to have this job at my school was 30... I'm 23. Normally, a teacher's assistant is not promoted to lead teacher unless they have ALL of their units and have been working there for about 2 years. I was promoted with NO units and after working there for 10 months. My bosses are amazing... They are working with me on my schooling and are paying for me to take the classes necessary, all while being flexible to my schedule and giving me a raise! I have been so very blessed with this job, it's unreal. The school's owner has complimented me time and time again on my abilities to lead the classroom, and has even gone as far to say that I am the best Lead Teacher they have had in the classroom in years!! I'm not trying to be boastful here, but MAN that made me feel so good! To top it all off, I am so in love with my job and my children. I can't believe I get paid to do this, sometimes. You know how in elementary school your teachers make you write little paragraphs on what you want to be when you grow up? All I ever wanted to write down was "I want to be a mom". But that wasn't the cool thing to do... So what did I write down? I wrote "I want to be a ballerina" or "I want to be a vet". I have a job that is pretty dang close to what I wanted to be when I grew up. I. Love. It.

ALSO. I have reached such an amazing goal I have had for YEARS.... I have lost 45 pounds!! Being a girl, I have grown up "on a diet". So I was always trying to lose weight just because it was the thing you do. This past year has been so inspiring and motivational, and I was finally able to accomplish something I have been trying to do for ages. I am capable of losing weight. I am capable of getting healthy. Most importantly, I am capable of achieving my goals. This is not the end of that goal though as I still want to lose my last 15 pounds. But that is so attainable!!

I never know how to end these... LOL.

Day 474: Surges

I can't decide if this is a song or a poem... Either way, it's my newest "surge of word".

Parts

Beneath the blinking sunlight,

our patterns twist and fray.

We have too much curiosity,

fit for just one day.

It started as a lost feeling,

a glitter splashed night.

But somewhere along our tour,

the mark fell out of sight.

So if you wanna really know,

I lost myself in you.

You took my only parts,

and I took yours, too.

Our game is fun in theory,

and I'm standing in your door.

I thought we said goodbye once,

now our cards are telling more.

This isn't for forever,

or even for a year.

So open up your darkest corners,

and I'll open up my fears.

So if you wanna really know,

I lost myself in you.

You took my only parts,

and I took yours, too.

Written word cannot heal,

the pathway burned in stone.

Our broken pieces stole,

a bit of our lost souls.

So don't be scared,

by the fragile nature of me.

We'll mend our parts soon,

but for now we'll see.

So if you wanna really know,

I was almost lost and learned:

You play with fire,

and you will get burned.

So if you wanna really know,

I lost myself in you.

You took my only parts,

and I took yours, too.

Day 460: Someone Remind Me...

Why the heck am I doing this again? I'm so sick and tired of being lonely and ache-y. I feel myself becoming "dark and twisty" when I wanna be "bright and shiny". I can't be bright OR shiny when every single morning, I wake up feeling like I could vomit because my whole existence misses him so badly. When does this get easier? When does this get better? When can I have my life back?

Why can't I ever fall for the guy who is HERE to stay and won't make me wait for him in some way or another? All I want is to have my lesson of "Patience Is A Virtue" to be over. My life seems to have this ongoing theme of "wait for it, it will come." Screw that. I've been forced to wait for things my whole life. LITERALLY.

Why am I left defenseless against the pangs of my heart? NOTHING makes it better. And when I try something new, thinking it will help murmur my shrill screams of missing John, it only makes it worse.

No happy posts here, folks. Just the cold and harsh words my heart would scream if it had a voice. You're LUCKY it doesn't and I'm left to translate the incessant complaints. I can't use such colorful language....

9 months couldn't end soon enough.

Day 433: Slacker

I MISSED DAY 400 BY 33 DAYS!! Holy crap. I need to be more on top of this!!

So it has now been more days than John has left in the mission field... That is such a weird thought to me... He has 10 months left TODAY. After 10 comes 9, then 8, then 7, and yada yada. I love that tomorrow is March, and that starting tomorrow I can say that John has 9 months left. LOL ;)

He is the cutest boyfriend ever. I love him. Emails were so great today.... And that is as far as I will go. LOL.

I promise I'll try and be better about writing in here. Since this is my journal-ish-thing, I really should write more...

Day 347: Christmas Means To Me, My Love

Christmas has now arrived, and on the verge of leaving until next year. This Christmas has definitely made it to the top of my list. No, I didn't get some epic gift this year. In fact, I got next to none. It wasn't the gifts of the food this year. It was the family and company that made this holiday season extra special.
I was surrounded by friends and loved ones, and the space was filled with laughter and love. I spent the weekend with my family, and shared many fun and special times with them.
I also got to share some laughter and stories with the man who has my heart. John called me this morning and we were able to spend a few special moments that have happened to us since we've been apart. We talked about how we feel ourselves growing ironically closer together, and stronger as a couple, and how special this time is for the both of us. During that hour of hearing his voice, over and over again it was confirmed that HE is who I was meant to share my life with and HE is the reason I have gone through every experience I've ever had. And I thank God for the circumstances that brought us together. If we hadn't both endured our heartache and hardships, we might not have ever found such a strong connection or would have been ready for such a strong connection.
John is doing wonderfully and has really taken to the people and the lifestyle. He has grown SO much spiritually and I am grateful for that. He was already a spiritual powerhouse prior to the mission, but he gave me some amazing words of enlightenment that I know would not have been possible but for his mission. His unwavering faith, no, knowledge of the mercifulness of our Father is astounding. He knows with a surety of future blessings and is such an example to me of that. I love this man with all of my heart, and can't wait til NEXT Christmas when he will be returning home 2 days after the holiday.
Merry Christmas to all of you, and I wish you all the happiest of times. Cherish your loved ones, no matter how far they are.

Day 340: Cheese and Crackers

Christmas is a week away... 7 days. That's it. And surprisingly, I haven't wanted to murder my heart yet. I'm fine. I'm pretty happy. I'm not depressed. It's a Christmas miracle. I think it's because the year mark is descending on me very very quickly here. HOORAY!!! One more year until he is back home and this blog can become more fun! LOL.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to cut my Grammie'

s hair. In the middle of her haircut, she kept asking me all about John. So I told her the whole story of how we met and how we came to be. She was thrilled, and so was I (seeing as I got to talk about John). :) She loved our story (so do I), thought it was romantic (so do I), and couldn't wait to ask a billion more questions about him. What's his plan for himself? What does he like most about his mission? What are your plans with him in the future? Yada, yada, yada. But then she asked me one question that I was kinda stumped at. "What do you love MOST about him?" Annnnnnnd there I stood, not knowing how to answer exactly. And that got me thinking about writing yet another list. So as I sat in my living room listening to the rain and a 90's film, I started thinking. What DO I love most about him? CAN I name just one thing? The answer is of course no, and I ended up with a rather long list. Annnd this is where I post said list. Bring out the crackers, 'cause here comes the cheese.

What Do I Love Most About John?

-The sound of his laugh

-His crinkle smile

-The way he opens his eyes REALLY big when emphasizing something

-His selflessness

-He loves LOVES kids

-He shows everyone around him so much respect

-The way he moved his CTR ring to his other hand because it hurt me when he held my hand

-How he started calling me "Jesse" and I didn't mind

-The way he ALWAYS wanted to rub my feet

-How he would always pick up the towel and help with the

dishes without being asked

-He's not ashamed of his crazy girlfriend

-He tells me constantly how much he cares for me

-How he didn't mind when I would fall asleep on the phone every night

-He's motivated

-He's hardworking

-He loves me for ME, and not just what I could become

-He makes me want to be better

-His dream of a perfect Saturday (even the realistic one)

-His dedication

-How he stuck around for so long

-His musical talent

-He fits every point on the list of what I want in a husband

-He loves God first

He's charming

He knows how to cheer me up

-He wants to take care of me

-He'll sit and listen to a crying girl, and love her all the more for it

-He is so willing to help me

-He's always on my mind

So I can't choose only one, but if I had to say only ONE item I loved more than the rest, I would have to say that I love his dedication to God. He is so dedicated to Him and His cause, that he gave up 2 years of his life at home with me. And THAT is what draws me to him continuously.

Day 327: Sharing Creativity

Fun story. John loves bubbles. Especially on his mission. So I sent him some, and he says he comes home after a hard day and just blows bubbles to relieve stress. So one day, he comes home, throws his stuff on his bed, and grabs the bubbles. His companion steals his camera and captures it. And here is the edited version of one of the pictures. LOL.

Also, I began recording and posting my songs to YouTube, so I thought I would post on here as well.. If I can get it to work...