Thursday, December 8, 2011

Day 715: End of the Road!!

This blog has been so neglected as of late, and for that I apologize! Also, I need to apologize for the ridiculously depressing nature of all my updates! I started this blog as a way to vent, and boy did I vent.... LOL. I only wrote here when I was upset, and that is unfair to the blogging world. LOL.
So yea, um hi... I have 20 days left. Not 20 months, not 20 weeks... 20 days. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? Where did the time go?? When on Earth did it become December? And yea, my last post was in what, April or something?? Talk about a mind blowing jump of months. I am so happy and so excited that this seemingly never ending period in my life is almost over. But most importantly, I am so overjoyed that my best friend is coming home. The person I want to call first when something big happens in my life is going to be back. The person I want to make happy for the rest of my life is coming home. I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to have made such a connection with another person, and for watching out for me for the past 2 years.
This blog is going to take a big spin, and is no longer going to be about the Waiting Girl. I'm going to use this PROPERLY and update whoever still reads this (even if it's just me lol) on the goings-on in my life. So!!! I am going to finish this post, then I will allow myself one last Waiting Girl post before John comes home (probably like the day before or of...).
My life has been so full lately! I got promoted a few months ago, from Teacher's Assistant to Lead Infant/Toddler Teacher at work, and man has that kept me busy! My duties changed drastically; I now supervise 6 teachers and 28 enrolled children ages 3 months-18months, plan and organize curriculum, put together developmental reports for each of my children alerting parents of their child's standing in developmental stages, perform teacher evaluations, yada yada... It's so weird being the boss. I feel too young to be doing this, but also feel very honored to be given this position at such a young age! The youngest person to have this job at my school was 30... I'm 23. Normally, a teacher's assistant is not promoted to lead teacher unless they have ALL of their units and have been working there for about 2 years. I was promoted with NO units and after working there for 10 months. My bosses are amazing... They are working with me on my schooling and are paying for me to take the classes necessary, all while being flexible to my schedule and giving me a raise! I have been so very blessed with this job, it's unreal. The school's owner has complimented me time and time again on my abilities to lead the classroom, and has even gone as far to say that I am the best Lead Teacher they have had in the classroom in years!! I'm not trying to be boastful here, but MAN that made me feel so good! To top it all off, I am so in love with my job and my children. I can't believe I get paid to do this, sometimes. You know how in elementary school your teachers make you write little paragraphs on what you want to be when you grow up? All I ever wanted to write down was "I want to be a mom". But that wasn't the cool thing to do... So what did I write down? I wrote "I want to be a ballerina" or "I want to be a vet". I have a job that is pretty dang close to what I wanted to be when I grew up. I. Love. It.
ALSO. I have reached such an amazing goal I have had for YEARS.... I have lost 45 pounds!! Being a girl, I have grown up "on a diet". So I was always trying to lose weight just because it was the thing you do. This past year has been so inspiring and motivational, and I was finally able to accomplish something I have been trying to do for ages. I am capable of losing weight. I am capable of getting healthy. Most importantly, I am capable of achieving my goals. This is not the end of that goal though as I still want to lose my last 15 pounds. But that is so attainable!!

I never know how to end these... LOL.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Day 474: Surges

I can't decide if this is a song or a poem... Either way, it's my newest "surge of word".


Beneath the blinking sunlight,
our patterns twist and fray.
We have too much curiosity,
fit for just one day.
It started as a lost feeling,
a glitter splashed night.
But somewhere along our tour,
the mark fell out of sight.

So if you wanna really know,
I lost myself in you.
You took my only parts,
and I took yours, too.

Our game is fun in theory,
and I'm standing in your door.
I thought we said goodbye once,
now our cards are telling more.
This isn't for forever,
or even for a year.
So open up your darkest corners,
and I'll open up my fears.

So if you wanna really know,
I lost myself in you.
You took my only parts,
and I took yours, too.

Written word cannot heal,
the pathway burned in stone.
Our broken pieces stole,
a bit of our lost souls.
So don't be scared,
by the fragile nature of me.
We'll mend our parts soon,
but for now we'll see.

So if you wanna really know,
I was almost lost and learned:
You play with fire,
and you will get burned.
So if you wanna really know,
I lost myself in you.
You took my only parts,
and I took yours, too.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Day 460: Someone Remind Me...

Why the heck am I doing this again? I'm so sick and tired of being lonely and ache-y. I feel myself becoming "dark and twisty" when I wanna be "bright and shiny". I can't be bright OR shiny when every single morning, I wake up feeling like I could vomit because my whole existence misses him so badly. When does this get easier? When does this get better? When can I have my life back?

Why can't I ever fall for the guy who is HERE to stay and won't make me wait for him in some way or another? All I want is to have my lesson of "Patience Is A Virtue" to be over. My life seems to have this ongoing theme of "wait for it, it will come." Screw that. I've been forced to wait for things my whole life. LITERALLY.

Why am I left defenseless against the pangs of my heart? NOTHING makes it better. And when I try something new, thinking it will help murmur my shrill screams of missing John, it only makes it worse.

No happy posts here, folks. Just the cold and harsh words my heart would scream if it had a voice. You're LUCKY it doesn't and I'm left to translate the incessant complaints. I can't use such colorful language....

9 months couldn't end soon enough.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Day 433: Slacker

I MISSED DAY 400 BY 33 DAYS!! Holy crap. I need to be more on top of this!!

So it has now been more days than John has left in the mission field... That is such a weird thought to me... He has 10 months left TODAY. After 10 comes 9, then 8, then 7, and yada yada. I love that tomorrow is March, and that starting tomorrow I can say that John has 9 months left. LOL ;)

He is the cutest boyfriend ever. I love him. Emails were so great today.... And that is as far as I will go. LOL.

I promise I'll try and be better about writing in here. Since this is my journal-ish-thing, I really should write more...