Sunday, November 28, 2010

Day 319: Holiday Happiness

The holidays are gonna be amazing. Seriously.
I am so in love with the holiday season, and it all starts with Halloween. Halloween is a fun holiday, and one that I spend getting a little dressed up, watching the kiddies gather candy, and going to parties and the like. I always like to look at the little families who dress in costume themes. This year, I saw a Star Wars family. It was adorable. Complete with an R2D2 baby, Luke and Leah brother and sister, and a Hans Solo mom and Chewie dad. SUPER CUTE. And while I try not to make everything about a family, I just loved to watch them and imagine what costume themes I would come up with in my future family. It makes me smile and I enjoy the happy thoughts, so I let it happen. LOL.
Thanksgiving is a day typically filled with mountains of food and dessert, and is looked forward to by brothers of mine for the reason of being able to go back for 5ths and 6ths. Of course, who doesn't enjoy eating lots and lots of amazing food! I certainly do lol. But this year, I was more excited about being with my family. This is my first holiday season being out on my own. And I love my family and have found a new friendship that I get to enjoy with them. :) So this year, as I was sitting in our family car driving over the river and through the woods to my aunt's house, I was filled with so much love and peace and thankfulness. I had a great day enjoying all my family's company, and to be honest, I wasn't even sad that day! Sure, I kept thinking about how much fun it will be when John is able to join us on these big family gatherings, but I was happy and content being WHEN I was instead of 2 years in the future. So that was a big thing for me :)
CHRISTMAS is 27 days away.... Can you believe it?!!? AND last night after play practice (blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... ) Roomie and I went to Jo-Ann's to buy some Christmasy things for a little home, and I bought a big girl Christmas decoration!!!! A TREE!! :-O!! It's only 4 feet tall, but perfect size for our humble apartment. And that little 4 foot contraption of lights and fake pine unleashed the Christmas monster for the season. The rest of the night was full of squeals and giggleing and "fa-la-la-la"ing, much to the EXCITMENT of my friends. ;)
All in all... I'm in the mood for some holidays. :) YAY!!!!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Day 306: Warning ... This Is Pathetic.

So I felt like blogging when I woke up, I felt like blogging during sacrament, I felt like blogging when I came home, I felt like blogging 10 minutes ago, but I do NOT feel like blogging now that I am actually sitting here TO blog. Wah. Oh well. I will say what I wanted to say all day.
For a few days now I have been hoping to have a dream about John. Pathetic? Yes. But I don't care. I just wanted to see him and interact with him for a little while. How sad is it that I really looked forward to going to sleep just in the hopes that I would see him? Wow... LOL.
Okay no one should follow me as a blogger anymore... lol. So anyways... Lo and behold, last night it happened. I was watching some videos on his SD card and fell asleep, and he was there!! I won't describe the dream (even though I really want to... lol) because then I would sound like freaking Depresso Bella when she does crazy things just to hear Edward's voice. But it was very possibly the best dream I have ever ever ever had. And then of course every dream ends, and I had to wake up. SAAAAAAAAD DAY ALLLLLLLLL DAY FOR REALS. The moment I woke up, I just laid there trying to remember everything that happened. But man, for those few hours I was asleep, I was so happy to have him back. :)
Did this dream make it super hard to go on with my day? Um.. THAT would be an understatement. Today, it seriously took all I had not to arrange a trip to Concord, CA. It has taken everything in my to not write him and tell him I need him. But this is my life lately. What else can I do but live it for the next 429 days? Nothing. Oh well.
Look. I'm sorry that these posts are super whiny. But when I can't verbally express them, I have to somehow. And sometimes its just nice to type and not have someone talk to me about it and tell me how I need to suck it up or get over it. Screw that. I'd rather say what I need to on a blog that I set up specifically for this purpose; to type it out so I don't vomit sadness all day. So I apologize. If anyone knows of a way to make certain posts private, let me know please. That way I can use that feature more often. LOL.
All in all...... 429 more days of waking up with the crushing feeling of WAKING up. That's a little more than half... It's do-able.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Day 302: Black Holes and Revelations

I MISSED DAY 300!!!! AGGG! I need to be on top of this.... 54 DAYS UNTIL THE HALF WAY MARK!!! YAYYY!! Now moving on to my real topic...

My life's moments are separated into two categories: Black Holes and Revelations, thus the title. Black Holes are obvious. They are a waste of time and energy, are marked by futile attempts to STOP thinking about how much of a Black Hole it is, have negative repercussions to my minds willpower, and they suck every ounce of hope I had in me at that moment. Revelations can only be the opposite, and are good moments that usually lead to a learning opportunity. They are moments that lead me to realize full potential of myself or of my surroundings, are spiritual glimmers given at the perfect space in time, and have a MUCH longer lasting effect than my Black Hole moments. Now SOMETIMES, moments may fall into the Venn Diagram area of these two categories, and can be both Black Holes AND a Revelation. THOSE moments, are ones that are much less than pleasant, but also I receive a firm witness that it happened for my benefit. Moments may not move into the Venn area until later in time, thus being TRUE life lessons. Now why did I go through and explain my now-dead analogy? Because yesterday, I had 2 moments that fit into each different category, which rarely happens for me, so I wanted you all to understand how cool that was. LOL. And as much as I just set up that analogy ever so nicely, I am not going to be sharing those moments with you, because they are so sacred to me and are extremely personal. But I just wanted to share that they happened. And that because they happened, I had a great day 2 days in a row. :) Viva la vi.

One more thing before I go...... This man is amazing. The end. :) :) :)