Saturday, March 27, 2010

Day 73: Dreams. Please Go Away.

What do you do when you feel guilty while sleeping? So guilty in fact, that you wake up wanting to vomit. While I totally understand that dream cheating isn't cheating... its still disheartening to wake up and find that you're sad you've woken up.

Did I expect that I wouldn't ever be thinking about how attractive other guys are? HEAVEN'S no. I'm not so naive to think that somehow I, a 21 year old girl on the verge of many-a-mental-breakdown, would be exempt to natural laws of human nature. I DID however, expect to not have such an issue with stupid "dream cheating".

LAME. What I dream about can NOT be helped, and does NOT reflect my waking desires. So why am I freaking out, wanting to avoid all men? Maybe because being a dream-cheater is... enjoyable? Loathsome? Fun? Horrible? You decide. As for me, I'm going to live on No-Doze and caffeinated cola for this up-and-coming new fad my brain has decided to partake in. Thanks, brain. You always know just what to do to make me crazy.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Day 62: Best Way To Start A Week?

And the best way to start a week would be...... *drum roll please*..... A great lesson from the New Testament! Let me tell you about my day thus far. I woke up from a dream in which I was skinny! Not just skinny, but the perfect kind of skinny where you're thin, but still round enough to be sexy. It was amazing. And on top of that, I was best friends with Jessica Simpson because I was her trusted Assistant/Consultant. It was a really great dream. Not just for the fact that I was petite and friends with a superstar, but because I felt GOOD. I felt HEALTHY. And I felt BLESSED. It was a great dream, and a great motivator to get out of bed and run. So I had my whole-grain toast and I was out the door. I rode my bike to the institute, the whole time thinking how grateful I was that it was so nice out, and how pretty everything looked (had a great Relief Society lesson yesterday on the creation... can ya tell?? LOL). I always love lessons like that; the ones that make you realize just how BLESSED you really are.

I then chat with a fellow dieter/jogger and feel once again motivated to really go out and give the track a good pounding from my feet. LOL. IT. FELT. SO. GOOD. I know I already blogged about how much I am really enjoying being outside and exercising, but every time I get back out there every morning, I feel so much better. After my weekly weigh-in, I have discovered that I have lost 3 pounds!!! BEST FEELING EVER. Not only knowing that it is actually physically possible for me to lose weight, but also knowing that I WANT to do it some MORE! Lol. It seems like lately, I've been having all these motivating things happen to me. What makes this time so different? Why is it I actually feel like going out jogging everyday, no fail? Is it because I have put everything I have in the Lord? Which leads me to today's lesson. I had the "opportunity" to be in Brother Rosell's institute class today ALL BY MYSELF. Just me and the teacher. Some people may ask... "Why is that such an opportunity??" Well, because it gave me a greater feeling that I was literally hearing what I, ME, MYSELF, needed to hear. I trusted that he was allowing the Spirit to work through him, and indeed it was. He said he wasn't going to go through his prepared lesson, but was going to meander through a few chapters and verses here and there. We went through Luke 5, with Simon Peter being put as the main focus. I can't recall everything that was said or taught, but the one I do remember the most, was the end of the chapter, where Jesus is discussing a parable for the newly called disciples. He refers to a piece of new cloth not being able to patch old cloth, because it would ruin both pieces. And also new wine not being poured into an old bottle, because the bottle would burst and spill the new wine, therefore destroying both. Now normally, I read little parables like that and take them at face value, not really knowing what they mean. But after dissecting it with Brother Rosell, I was able to understand that he was actually talking about how the new Law of Christ can not patch the old Law of Moses. Because the two laws are very contradicting to each other. And he asked me, "How can we relate this to OUR lives? Not just the New Testament?" After some thought, I was reminded of how we, as humans, tend to cling to the old, and are not willing to commit to a change. And how Christ NEEDS us to change sometimes, so we can be presented with greater callings, bringing greater blessings. We, as the natural man, can not coexist with the person God wants us to be. We have to be willing to accept this new cloth or new wine. And in order to do so, we can not be "old" in our understanding of His gospel. This brought me to think about times in my life that I chose to either accept or turn down the new cloth/wine. I started thinking about my current situation of pride and being unforgiving. I've been trying harder to realize when I am actually guilty of this, and stopping dead in my tracks to change it. I have felt a greater purpose since attacking this fault head on, and I feel the Lord slowly pouring new wine into the new bottle I am creating. Coming to realize the change I am making and the change God wants for me coincides with the other is the greatest feeling. I just got my weekly email from John. I am soooo proud of that man. I love him soooo much. :) He is definitely one of those things that keeps me going, and helps me realize that there is a greater purpose for my life. All in all, this should be a great week. :) Let's see if it plays out that way.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Day 57: Feeling GOOOOOOD.

Today was actually okay! I've recently taken up jog/walking daily and man does it feel good!! Despite the fact that I haave to HAVE TO take allergy meds prior to stepping on that track, I feel so alive! Definitely a boost of energy, ego and emotion. Whoever first discovered that exercise leads to emotional stability, was darn right! I didn't even mind that I didn't get my scheduled weekly letter today. LOL. Got a little sunburned on the face and chest though... sunscreen is evidently needed lol! But hopefully, the result will be great and an extra PLUS-PLUS, I FEEL great!

Short entries.... All I have time for! LOL. I'm off to the temple for the first time in a long time (NEVER let your limited use reccoment expire, Jessica. Because then you take FOREVER to remember to get it renewed. BAD Jessica!!). I can not WAIT!!

Peace and Happiness... my best friends for the day. :)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


WHYYYYYYYYYYYY is everyone getting engaged. LOL!! THAT is all!!