Day 306: Warning ... This Is Pathetic.

So I felt like blogging when I woke up, I felt like blogging during sacrament, I felt like blogging when I came home, I felt like blogging 10 minutes ago, but I do NOT feel like blogging now that I am actually sitting here TO blog. Wah. Oh well. I will say what I wanted to say all day.

For a few days now I have been hoping to have a dream about John. Pathetic? Yes. But I don't care. I just wanted to see him and interact with him for a little while. How sad is it that I really looked forward to going to sleep just in the hopes that I would see him? Wow... LOL.

Okay no one should follow me as a blogger anymore... lol. So anyways... Lo and behold, last night it happened. I was watching some videos on his SD card and fell asleep, and he was there!! I won't describe the dream (even though I really want to... lol) because then I would sound like freaking Depresso Bella when she does crazy things just to hear Edward's voice. But it was very possibly the best dream I have ever ever ever had. And then of course every dream ends, and I had to wake up. SAAAAAAAAD DAY ALLLLLLLLL DAY FOR REALS. The moment I woke up, I just laid there trying to remember everything that happened. But man, for those few hours I was asleep, I was so happy to have him back. :)

Did this dream make it super hard to go on with my day? Um.. THAT would be an understatement. Today, it seriously took all I had not to arrange a trip to Concord, CA. It has taken everything in my to not write him and tell him I need him. But this is my life lately. What else can I do but live it for the next 429 days? Nothing. Oh well.

Look. I'm sorry that these posts are super whiny. But when I can't verbally express them, I have to somehow. And sometimes its just nice to type and not have someone talk to me about it and tell me how I need to suck it up or get over it. Screw that. I'd rather say what I need to on a blog that I set up specifically for this purpose; to type it out so I don't vomit sadness all day. So I apologize. If anyone knows of a way to make certain posts private, let me know please. That way I can use that feature more often. LOL.

All in all...... 429 more days of waking up with the crushing feeling of WAKING up. That's a little more than half... It's do-able.