Day 240: Hello Again, Old Friend

Wow, its been a really long time since I've been on here. It's funny how that happens, isn't it? You are so dependent on something, then things get crazy and you easily forget about it. Well, certain things. LOL.
Okay. I need a new job. I just went to pick up my measly paycheck and even the ATM didn't like the numbers on the check. Honestly, I love the family and kids I work for, but I need to take care of myself. I need to have a stable schedule with stable hours. They promised me full time work, and for the past month I have had like a 1/4 of that amount of work. I have an interview scheduled for Monday, but I am scared to tell the family. I told them that I have a mandatory class meeting on Monday morning, but I feel terrible. Then the mom went on to say how much she loves having me with her kids and how she wants to keep me even past when I get married... wth am I supposed to do with that info?? Let it fester and boil until I cry from guilt? Thing is, I have tried telling them that I need more hours and they said they would get me more. So I wonder if I am jumping the gun. But do I really want to chance my pay to an occasional wind? Lets list the pros and cons....

PROS
I can do school-work at work
5 second commute
The kids are adorable
I create the rules and schedule for the kids
I love the kids
I love working with children
Its good practice of running my own home with a family

CONS
Not a stable schedule
Not a stable check
The house is disgusting
I can't get the oldest to do anything other than video games
I am working in a bad-ish area
I have to work in a gross kitchen
When the kids are sick, I get sick
The kids have no discipline in their life with parents, so I start new each day
When I attempt to scrub the house, I come back the next day to the same state it was in when I started to clean it.

Yea what does one do with that list? Now I just feel all the more confused... It really is just up to me I guess. Can I deal with the con's of this job? Or would I rather look elsewhere for another job that I CAN handle the con's of. In the end, the money issue keeps coming up. Because no matter how much I love these kids or the convenience of the job, it all comes down to whether I can AFFORD to keep this job. Should I bring this up to the parents and ask for more money? I already feel like I am putting them out money-wise... And it sucks because I honestly feel like I am doing more of a favor to them than WORKING for them. UGH. I. HATE. DECISIONS.
Another thing I feel I have to decide, is wth I want to do with my life. I have so many interests, and I feel like that is more of a hindrance than a good thing. Do I want to open a baking business? Do I want to teach elementary education? Do I want to teach vocal performance? What will fit best with my goals of marriage and family? Easily, all of them could fit. But its a matter of wanting to find a career before I have children, rather than trying to still figure it out when my child is 3 years old. That's how I am. I am constantly looking for something stable and sure... Oh shoot just got inspired...
All in all, this past blog break has proven to be fruitless and stressful. I feel better now having had written this all down somewhere and gotten it out of my head. Oh Blogger, your therapy is amazing.

495 days til my sanity returns, and 105 days until Christmas phone calls.....